The more we get into this surrogacy process, the more I'm amazed at the things that our medical advances can do nowadays. Athena went in for egg retrieval today. I was extremely disappointed that I wasn't able to go with her (dumb work obligations). I feel like I failed her at not being the moral support in the waiting room. Nevertheless, it went great. The doc was able to get 18 eggs, though at this point we aren't sure how many will make it through fertilization, and after that how many will grow into viable embryos. The goal is to end up with 5 ish embryos that are good enough for transfer. We will NOT be transferring that many. This will not be the Octomom re-run. I'm a waiting duck for now. I'll start on my medications for the transfer cycle soon, and we'll be well on our way to some baby growing! I'm getting more nervous, but a good nervous, not scared nervous. The last 4 months have been so surreal. Athena and I talk/text every day and it starts to feel really strange if we go a few hours without "talking". Sometimes we don't really have anything truly important to say, but just knowing she's there as a friend, buddy, and partner in this brings a sense of calm in this crazy journey. We laugh, we joke, we talk about the tough decisions regarding pregnancy that we hope we won't have to make. It's really a strange kind of awesome when I think of how our relationship has progressed. It's almost like a platonic marriage. I have a bond with her now that I will never share with another friend and it's been really cool to enjoy that.
Antonio and I haven't sat down to talk with the boys about this yet. At first, we didn't want to bring it up too early in case it didn't work out and because there would be several months until there was an attempt at a pregnancy. Now that we are getting closer I think it's time. I'm not worried at all about their reactions. I think they are at the perfect age to be pretty neutral about it all. Rocket won't remember it, and Gambit and Ninja are very logical thinkers which will bode well when we are explaining. My intention is to put it as simply and matter-of-factly as possible. They see Lincoln and Mouse at church every Sunday, and I don't think they'll have a hard time understanding that the baby growing in mom isn't *our* baby, but it's Lincoln and Mouse's brother or sister.
So, things are still moving. Aside from the surrogacy taking over our lives (in the best way possible), we don't have much else going on. Antonio is busy at work with year-end reports and all that corporate business garbage. My job at the hospital is wonderful. I love the actual work, and I've pretty much figured out a good routine of balancing work, family, and church. Except for the fact that I can figure out when or how to potty train Rocket. He's ready. I'm not. I don't feel like dealing with it yet so I keep buying boxes of diapers. Oh well, someday.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Keep Your Day Job
My reproductive doctor told me I should be a uterus model yesterday. I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. Let's back up a bit....
Things are moving right along with the surrogacy. I just finished my "mock" cycle and everything looks great. The mock cycle, in short, is when they have me take all the medications and the docs monitor how my body is responding and if its doing what they want it to do. That way, they'll know if they need to tweak a med or make little changes for the real "transfer" cycle.
I had the joyful opportunity of giving myself estrogen injections in my hip. It took me about 15 minutes to muster up enough courage to do the first injection. I kept picking up the needle, looking at it, and then putting it back on the counter in fear. I don't actually have any kind of needle phobia. It's not a big deal for me to get shots or have my blood drawn. But, there's something very different about doing it to yourself. I finally picked it up and before I could think to much, poked it into my hip. I was a title surprised to find it didn't even hurt at all! Despite the needle being 1 1/2 inches long, I didn't feel it. After I got through the first one the rest were no big deal.
One major side effect of the synthetic estrogen is being moody or emotional. I didn't think I was having issues until I saw Athena at church and she asked me how I was. For no reason at all I started bawling! Poor Athena felt so bad and didn't know what to do. I had a few other moments like that, but overall, the side effects have been mild. That might change when I have to start some mo medications next month.
Yesterday I went to the doc to have an ultrasound of my uterus. They were measuring how think the lining got and making sure everything looks normal for when we do the actual embryo transfer. She kept saying, "Wow! Your uterus looks amazing! You should be a uterus model!" Ahh....what every woman wants to hear :-)
I am really happy that everything looks good. My estrogen levels were so good that I didn't have to take my last dose. All of this just increases our odds of an embryo sticking! Athena is getting ready for egg retrieval in about a week. She's a little bummed that she's only got 13 follicles growing, but I'm confident we'll get some great embryos.
Posted with BlogsyA boy and his trains
Nearly every gift Rocket received for Christmas had to do with trains, specifically, Thomas the Tank Engine. That boy will sit and play trains for hours. He will also sit and watch episodes of Thomas for hours if you let him.
Camping. In the snow. For reals.
Antonio went snow caving with the boys of the Boy Scout troop he's a leader of last weekend. I'm pretty sure I stood agape for several minutes when he told me their plans. Hike a bit up the mountain, dig little caves in the snow, sleep in said caves, come home next morning. Who in their right mind would ever think that sounds enjoyable? I can barely tolerate camping when the weather is good. Dispute my protestations that this was the dumbest idea ever, they all went and if the reports are accurate, they all had a good time.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
A New Adventure
I'm going to tell a story that as of yet, does not have an ending. It's an ongoing saga, one filled with love, compassion, dedication, commitment, service, and most important of all, Faith. It's one that will have new elements and additions to it in the near future.
There once was a kind and loving couple, Athena and Falsh. They had three kids Chris, who was grown and had left the coop, Lincoln, and energetic 10 year old, and Mouse, an adorable 7 year old who is, I'm quite sure of it, the apple of her Daddy's eye. Athena and Falsh were devoted and caring parents, but knew they wanted more children even though Athena's pregnancies were filled with issues and all the kids were born early. Some years ago, when Mouse was younger, the family received the devastating news that Athena had cancer. Thus began months (perhaps years?) of grueling treatments and surgeries. Eventually, the family was able to celebrate the great news that Athena was cancer free! What a happy day! With the cancer behind them, Athena and Falsh decided it was time to add to their family. Many months went by without success and Athena grew more and more discouraged. The couple sought the advice of doctors and reproductive specialists, but did not find the answers they hoped for. Not only was there no explanation for the lack of a pregnancy, but Athena was not a good candidate for any reproductive procedures to help. Because of her past pregnancy complications, Athena could not risk a twin pregnancy (common when seeking medical help for pregnancy) which could threaten her life and most certainly the lives of the babies.
Heartbroken, Athena was lost and confused. She found joy in raising her three beautiful and healthy children, but could not shake the feeling that her family was not "complete". Frustrated, Athena busied herself with kids, church, family, and work, never forgetting her dream of another child.
So, where do I fit in? Until recently, Athena was an acquaintance of mine. We attend the same congregation in our church, but hadn't had the opportunity to get to know each other very well. A few months ago I was speaking with a mutual friend and the subject of Athena's desire for another child and frustration that it hadn't happened came up. Further into the conversation I realized there was something I could do for Athena! You see, while I also have three amazing kids, Antonio and I feel very 'complete' with our family as it is. We love our kids are are excited about moving on with our family of five, without the intention of adding any more to it. However, my body is great at growing and birthing children. For the climax....
I am going to be a gestational surrogate for Athena and Falsh.
Within a few days of that conversation with our mutual friend, Athena and I were on a lunch date to explore the possibility of this actually happening. She was reserved and didn't want to get her hopes up to high, and I was cautious because I needed time with Antonio to really think this through. The past few months have been spent talking to doctors, praying, speaking with lawyers, praying, visiting with a psychologist, attending the temple, and many, many conversations between Athena and myself. Since making the decision, Athena has become a very dear friend and someone I love very much and I am honored and humbled that she would put this kind of trust in me to carry her child.
There is so much to say about this, and so many amazing miracles that have already happened since we began this journey together. Athena keeps telling me I'm her "Angel", which I think is absolutely ridiculous. I'm no angel, saint, or some amazing person. I'm your average joe who can't keep her house clean, snaps at her kids too much, and is horrible at getting her visiting teaching done. I'm not crafty, cutesy, or fashionable. I'm simply a woman who was seeking for a meaningful way to serve and love, and this is what Heavenly Father presented me with. I am nervous, scared, and anxious (I have to give myself lots of shots!), but above all, I'm walking a path of faith and doing the best I can to be Christlike. I'll leave this story with a "to be continued"....and with some answers to the first questions that most people ask.
Why are you doing this? - This seems to be everyone's first question, yet is the hardest for me to answer. Because the truth is, there isn't really an answer. What I want to say is, "Why not?" I cannot tell you in a way that would make sense why I am willing to do this. What it comes down to is that it feels right. There were many things I had to think about and discuss with Antonio before we made this decision. In the end, we both felt a desire to serve our friends, a desire to come closer to Christ, and a desire to prove our willing hearts to The Lord. Christ sacrificed his life for all of us. And I don't just mean he died for us (which he did). He spent his entire mortal existence in the service of others. He spent years healing, serving, and ministering to all he met. We often talk of being "Christlike", but what does that really mean? Do we spend our time as He did? Do we seek out those who are lost and suffering? I truly feel that I was brought this opportunity for a reason. I feel that on walking this path I will learn and grow in ways I could not have otherwise and I am grateful for that.
Are you nervous about giving the baby away? - The answer to this is easy. No. Because, it's not my baby. Neither Antonio or I will have any biological connection to this baby. The bun is Athena and Falsh's and I'm simply the oven. Going into this pregnancy is very different than getting pregnant with your own child. I don't want anymore kids, and I'm very excited to place that baby in Athena's waiting arms! I expect to have a different affection for the child than perhaps any random kid on the street, but in the end the child is not mine, nor do I want it to be.
How does that all work? - I am what the medical community calls a 'gestational surrogate'. This simply means that the genetic embryos of Athena and Falsh, will grow in me. It's basically in-vitro with their embryos. It involves a lot of doctor visits, a lot of medication, and a lot of hope.
I'm so excited for this new adventure. I plan to keep a detailed journaling of the good, the great, and the not so good of this whole experience. Athena and I plan to make it a beautiful journey.
There once was a kind and loving couple, Athena and Falsh. They had three kids Chris, who was grown and had left the coop, Lincoln, and energetic 10 year old, and Mouse, an adorable 7 year old who is, I'm quite sure of it, the apple of her Daddy's eye. Athena and Falsh were devoted and caring parents, but knew they wanted more children even though Athena's pregnancies were filled with issues and all the kids were born early. Some years ago, when Mouse was younger, the family received the devastating news that Athena had cancer. Thus began months (perhaps years?) of grueling treatments and surgeries. Eventually, the family was able to celebrate the great news that Athena was cancer free! What a happy day! With the cancer behind them, Athena and Falsh decided it was time to add to their family. Many months went by without success and Athena grew more and more discouraged. The couple sought the advice of doctors and reproductive specialists, but did not find the answers they hoped for. Not only was there no explanation for the lack of a pregnancy, but Athena was not a good candidate for any reproductive procedures to help. Because of her past pregnancy complications, Athena could not risk a twin pregnancy (common when seeking medical help for pregnancy) which could threaten her life and most certainly the lives of the babies.
Heartbroken, Athena was lost and confused. She found joy in raising her three beautiful and healthy children, but could not shake the feeling that her family was not "complete". Frustrated, Athena busied herself with kids, church, family, and work, never forgetting her dream of another child.
So, where do I fit in? Until recently, Athena was an acquaintance of mine. We attend the same congregation in our church, but hadn't had the opportunity to get to know each other very well. A few months ago I was speaking with a mutual friend and the subject of Athena's desire for another child and frustration that it hadn't happened came up. Further into the conversation I realized there was something I could do for Athena! You see, while I also have three amazing kids, Antonio and I feel very 'complete' with our family as it is. We love our kids are are excited about moving on with our family of five, without the intention of adding any more to it. However, my body is great at growing and birthing children. For the climax....
I am going to be a gestational surrogate for Athena and Falsh.
Within a few days of that conversation with our mutual friend, Athena and I were on a lunch date to explore the possibility of this actually happening. She was reserved and didn't want to get her hopes up to high, and I was cautious because I needed time with Antonio to really think this through. The past few months have been spent talking to doctors, praying, speaking with lawyers, praying, visiting with a psychologist, attending the temple, and many, many conversations between Athena and myself. Since making the decision, Athena has become a very dear friend and someone I love very much and I am honored and humbled that she would put this kind of trust in me to carry her child.
There is so much to say about this, and so many amazing miracles that have already happened since we began this journey together. Athena keeps telling me I'm her "Angel", which I think is absolutely ridiculous. I'm no angel, saint, or some amazing person. I'm your average joe who can't keep her house clean, snaps at her kids too much, and is horrible at getting her visiting teaching done. I'm not crafty, cutesy, or fashionable. I'm simply a woman who was seeking for a meaningful way to serve and love, and this is what Heavenly Father presented me with. I am nervous, scared, and anxious (I have to give myself lots of shots!), but above all, I'm walking a path of faith and doing the best I can to be Christlike. I'll leave this story with a "to be continued"....and with some answers to the first questions that most people ask.
Why are you doing this? - This seems to be everyone's first question, yet is the hardest for me to answer. Because the truth is, there isn't really an answer. What I want to say is, "Why not?" I cannot tell you in a way that would make sense why I am willing to do this. What it comes down to is that it feels right. There were many things I had to think about and discuss with Antonio before we made this decision. In the end, we both felt a desire to serve our friends, a desire to come closer to Christ, and a desire to prove our willing hearts to The Lord. Christ sacrificed his life for all of us. And I don't just mean he died for us (which he did). He spent his entire mortal existence in the service of others. He spent years healing, serving, and ministering to all he met. We often talk of being "Christlike", but what does that really mean? Do we spend our time as He did? Do we seek out those who are lost and suffering? I truly feel that I was brought this opportunity for a reason. I feel that on walking this path I will learn and grow in ways I could not have otherwise and I am grateful for that.
Are you nervous about giving the baby away? - The answer to this is easy. No. Because, it's not my baby. Neither Antonio or I will have any biological connection to this baby. The bun is Athena and Falsh's and I'm simply the oven. Going into this pregnancy is very different than getting pregnant with your own child. I don't want anymore kids, and I'm very excited to place that baby in Athena's waiting arms! I expect to have a different affection for the child than perhaps any random kid on the street, but in the end the child is not mine, nor do I want it to be.
How does that all work? - I am what the medical community calls a 'gestational surrogate'. This simply means that the genetic embryos of Athena and Falsh, will grow in me. It's basically in-vitro with their embryos. It involves a lot of doctor visits, a lot of medication, and a lot of hope.
I'm so excited for this new adventure. I plan to keep a detailed journaling of the good, the great, and the not so good of this whole experience. Athena and I plan to make it a beautiful journey.
The best gift of 2012
Skyping with Uncle Camby! It was so great to see his face and hear his voice. He is doing a great job of ministering to the people of Panama and we are so proud of him. I'm so grateful for the wonders of technology!
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