125

125 was the perfect number yesterday. That's what our one, healthy little baby bean's heart rate was at, and what the doctor said, "Is exactly where we want it."

Athena and I had the first ultrasound yesterday. After the initial slow rising hormone levels and our waning "cautiously optimistic" attitude, seeing the fluttering heartbeat was a joy and a relief. Baby was no more than a small blip on the machine. No arms or legs or spinal column yet. But that darn heartbeat just melted my own heart. We were able to get some pictures and mine are proudly displayed on our family bulletin board.

It's still a little strange. This pregnancy. While I was so comforted seeing that heartbeat, there was no maternal instinct, no thoughts of "this is my baby", no excitement about when it's born and life will be different. I could only think of Athena and how happy I am for her. And I think that's a good thing. The best way to describe is that I feel the same way about this little one as I do about my niece and nephews. I love them dearly with all of my heart, but they aren't my children. I already love this kid fiercely, but have no desire to actually care for and raise it. I just want to fun parts of kisses and cuddles!

My boys have been very uninterested in all of this. Ninja and Gambit think it's cool that I'm growing a baby and like to comment that I'm going to get fat. But, they also clearly understand that this isn't our baby. For the most part baby isn't a part of our normal family talk. It comes up now and then, but most of the time I think they just forget that it's even there (Antonio does that too).

In 2.5 hours I'll be 7 weeks pregnant (due date is 12/12/13). Heavenly Father has blessed me greatly so far. The only symptom I've had is wanting to sleep all the time. No heartburn, no nausea, no peeing every 10 minutes. In fact, I've wanted to eat everything in sight, and I've got a little belly to show for it! I pray that this ease continues. A big fear was the negative impact the pregnancy could have on the kids, especially if I'm battling sickness and severe symptoms.

There seems to be so much I'm feeling about this process, but it's extremely difficult to put into words. So for now, we are grateful for a growing baby and are looking forward to a bright and happy year!

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Derby Time

Ninja was so excited for his first pinewood derby with the cub scouts. He and Antonio works hard at getting the car ready, which they named "Bumblebee." His car won a few heats, but not 1st place. He did get an award for "Best use of color." AKA "An award that we made up and give to all the kids so no one feels left out." I've got strong feelings about things like that, but we'll leave it out for now. He had a great time hanging out with his buddies.

 

 

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Rocket Scientist

Rocket had a well check with his pediatrician recently. During the exam she mentioned that she couldn't get a good look at his eyes, but something just "off" enough that it would be a good idea to have him looked at by the ophthalmologist. When Rocket was a baby, he had a little bit of a wandering eye, but that seemed to have corrected itself as he got older.

Last week we finally did make it to go see eye doc. He was really nice and great with Rocket, who wanted no part of any eye exam. The doc found that Rocket is slightly far sighted and wanted to dilate his eyes to get a better look. Turns out Rocket is even more far sighted than previously thought (though its still not that bad) and after discussing options with the doctor we decided to get a prescription for some glasses for Rocket. The mild vision issue that he has will most likely correct itself as his head grows and the eye changes shape, but for now, his eyes are straining pretty hard to focus on things that are right in front of him. The glasses will just help his eyes not have to work so hard. He will probably only need them for 6-12 months. Antonio was the one who took him to find frames that would fit and look good because I was still on "bed rest" from the embryo transfer. This is the order of the pictures sent as they were trying frames on. It still cracks me up when I scroll through these. You can just see the degeneration of Rockets mood as he dealt with people literally in his face.

Picture #1 - oh, this is fun! I'm happy to be here!

 

Picture #2 - This isn't so bad, I'm still happy.

 

Picture #3 - I'm starting to lose my patience, but here's a forced smile.

 

Picture #4 - I would rather not smile anymore. Is this over yet?

 

Picture #5 - I'm done. Get me outta here!

 

We did end up choosing some frames, but they didn't carry his size and had to order them. A week later they came and now my adorable Rocket looks like a real Rocket Scientist! Too bad he hates wearing them and takes them off all the time.

 

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Cautiously Optimistic

That's what the doctor said to be after my blood draw on Thursday. Transfer was Wednesday, march 27th. Athena had bought me about 20 home pregnancy tests and I told myself I wouldn't take any until Saturday, and even that is too early to see a positive. But, in true character of my impatience, I started taking them on Friday. And kept getting disappointed. Which is silly because I *knew* I wouldn't get a positive. I *knew* it was too early. I still couldn't help myself. By Monday I was downright distraught. In my google-research I found that people have gotten positive results as early as 4 days post transfer (rare) and I was really hoping I'd be one of those lucky ones. I moped around the house all Monday annoyed that the tests weren't saying "pregnant". I was worried that it wasn't going to work at all. I was worried about having to tell Athena that we didn't get pregnant after all. I was worried that her hope and dream of another child completely I hinged on me, but there wasn't actually anything I could do about it anymore. I'd done my part and now it was a waiting game. I went to bed on Monday pretty discouraged, and I told myself I would not test again until Wednesday. Um...yeah right. Tuesday morning I woke up and decided to check "just one more time".

 

It was really faint and hard to see, but the line was there! I immediately called Athena and sent her a picture of the test. The next morning I took a digital and was blessed with this beautiful word.

Thursday morning I went into the doctor to have them confirm with a blood test what we already knew. That test did come back positive, but my beta number was a little on the low side. That's when the doc threw out the "cautiously optimistic". While my first beta is a little on the low side, everything else looks great so far. Tomorrow morning (Sunday) I go in for my second beta to see how well the numbers a rising. I've still been peeing on pregnancy sticks 3 times a day, just to make sure. The lines are getting darker and the "pregnant" keeps popping up.

So, for now I can say we are all cautiously optimistic about this pregnancy! I think I'm still in shock that it even worked!

 

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Egg coloring and Baskets

Antonio took pity on me and let me rest while he did the egg coloring with the boys. Based on the noise level, I think there were only a few mishaps.

 

 

 

The boys found their baskets....

 

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Easter egg hunt

We were lucky this year and got to spend time with mine and Antonio's family all in one shot. We all gathered for Easter dinner at my parents house and the kids enjoyed a fun egg hunt. Thankfully the weather was beautiful and we took advantage of being in the sunshine. The boys have a cousin visiting and staying with Mammie and they've had fun with someone new to play with.

 

Cousin Jay got a basket full!

Rocket stopped to open each one that he found.

Group shots are harder to get these days.

 

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Transfer

Yesterday was a big day. The day that's been 5 months in the works. We finally made it to transfer day! Athena picked me up in the morning and we made our way down to the clinic we are using in the city. We chatted on the drive there, mostly small talk and sharing our excitement. For the past week people have been asking me if I'm "nervous". I kept thinking I would be, but I wasn't and never really was. I was excited for Athena, and just anxious to get this next step going.

We checked in and just waited a few minutes before we were called back. They brought us to a triage room, gave me some directions on what to wear, and left us to wait. During the procedure I have to have a full bladder because its easier for them to access the uterus. By this point I was feeling pretty uncomfortable from needing to pee.

After a quick ultrasound to see where my uterus and bladder were, the nurse took pity on me and let me empty about halfway. The embryologist came it to talk about the little embryos. Both survived the thaw and were looking great! She asked Athena if she wanted to know the gender. Athena desperately did want to know, but wasn't sure if finding out now would be the best time. The embryologist said she could think about it. The nurse came back in to give me a Valium and to tell us we needed to calm down :-) We were both so excited we kept laughing and talking quite loudly. The Valium certainly kicked in quickly and the volume of our room went way down! It made me feel so loopy and I couldn't concentrate on anything. It made all my limbs feel heavy when I tried to move.

Eventually the doc came back to go of everything for the procedure once again. Athena had decided that she did want to know the genders so the doc told us. Athena and her husband are thrilled :-) I was wheeled back into the procedure room and they started getting everything ready. Athena came in a few minutes later and sat holding my hand through the whole thing. It wasn't painful (except when the nurse kept pushing on my very full bladder), but I needed her support and encouragement. The transfer itself was very quick and I was wheeled back into the triage room. I was told to lie still for 15 minutes and then I could go to the bathroom. After about 8 minutes I was in so much pain from needing to pee that I begged Athena to find the nurse or I was going to pee all over the bed. The nurse brought over a bed pan (that was a new experience!) and even with that I still managed to pee all over the bed. Oh well. I had already lost all dignity at that point, but I did keep apologizing to the nurse who had to clean me up.

We left the clinic about an hour later with this picture of the most beautiful embryos ever.

Two little beings are now inside and we just wait. I'm on bed rest for 48 hours to give them the best chance at "sticking". It's only been 23 so far and I'm already bored. I have new found respect for those ladies who have to be on bed rest for weeks at a time! The blood test for the pregnancy is in a week and we'll know if those whole process worked. For now, we are praying and trying to stay distracted with a lot of sudoku and angry birds.

 

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