Am I a Good Mother? Are you?

I began my journey of motherhood just over 4 years ago. I remember sitting in the hospital room with my new little baby cradled in my arm. He was born in the evening, and it was late by the time all the excitement had died down and the visitors had left. I stared at him, amazed that such a perfect little child was, quite literally, a part of me. I told how happy I was for him to have this opportunity at life. How excited I was to be his mother, and how I was going to do everything right. I would read him the right books and give him the best education. I would constantly tell him I loved him and that he was special. I would follow my doctor's advice and make sure he got all his shots and antibiotics when he got sick. In short, I was going to be the perfect mother.

I'm still in my rookie years of mothering as my oldest is only in preschool. When he was about 18 months old I realized that my dreams of being a perfect mother continued to escape me. I tried, oh how I tried. But for some reason some new situation would always arise and I would quickly run to the "experts" to figure out exactly how to ensure my child have the best possible upbringing.

Everything seemed to come crashing down when my second child was born. My first was not yet two and I now had the responsibility of caring for and raising two very different and very important little spirits. How in the world could Heavenly Father trust me to do this? Gambit was a difficult baby. He never slept, he always ate, he didn't do things like "they" said a happy baby would and I was at the edge of the cliff. I dressed my sons in matching clothes and always made sure their faces were wiped. I put a smile on my face and beamed when people asked me about my kids. I pretended to love what I was doing for fear of being labeled a "bad mother".

At one point I finally realized this game of good mom/bad mom is just absurd. Are there bad mothers? Unfortunately yes. They are the ones who shoot up while their children are starving and neglected. They are the ones who turn their backs when their children are being abused. They are the ones who intentionally and willfully inflict pain on their children. But, that is not most of us.

Bottlefeeding your child does not make you a bad mother. Co-sleeping, or making your child cry-it-out does not make you a bad mother. Giving your child a pacifier until they are 4 does not make you a bad mother. Breastfeeding them until they go to preschool does not make you a bad mother. Vaccinating or not vaccinating, circumcision or not, cloth diaper or disposible, home birth or hospital birth. The list of the shoulds and should nots are endless. We fail to adequately acknowledge that there is no right or wrong in any of these relatively minor parenting decisions.

I've found that we mothers are most judgemental with each other. Yet, we are all in the same situation of mothering our children with imperfect impulses and desires. Sure, we may do things a little differently, but we are all doing the best we can with what we have, and we all love our children fiercely. We all look for validation that how we are mothing is "right". And we give that to ourselves by pointing out different choices that other mothers have made. I think it's time we put away our judgements and notions of what makes a good mom or a bad mom. None of us will ever be the perfect mother and I think deep down our children know that. More importantly though, Heavenly Father knows it. Yet He still seems to think that we should continue on this path of motherhood. He trusts me with His children, and that's all the validation I need.